HOUSE MOTHERS
“I am 23 and a mother of 102 children!”
This interview was conducted during a tour of a children’s home for the children of prisoners in Nepal, led by one of the two house mothers.
How did you initially get interested in working here?
I am a student of social work, so I came to Indira. I knew her since I was a child, I started as a trainee (intern) at the organization until one day I saw a position was open as house mother. Thank god I did it (applied to be house mother at Sankhu home) because it’s been amazing, it’s a really great experience working here (she has worked for almost 2 years).
What have you learned?
It’s a kind of unity and diversity here. They come from different backgrounds and whenever a new child comes, they just accept it. They never make them feel left out, it is like a big family. They share everything - even if it is a small thing, they share it. Although they do not have anything, they find some way to surprise you. You just have to have the wish, you don’t have to have anything, if you have just the wish, you can give things to others.
I have learned to be patient, kind and humble.
What is your favorite part of your job?
The kids! I get to spend time with them, get to teach them new things, good things, manners, humanity and culture; because if they were in their house, they would obviously learn these kind of things from their parents. I am really privileged to be the one teaching these things.
And the hardest part?
The hardest part is the emotional part. There come times when you become emotional in front of the children because you know their situations and circumstances, and in spite of how hard you try, you cannot be their mother. Sometimes, I feel that they should be with their real families, that they could learn from them, spend time with their parents and families, but they can’t do that.
There is a girl who also has a brother here; their father is in prison because he killed his own [wife], and that incident was seen by the children. That incident has become a very negative impact on the children… they are pretty open about those things.
When I first came here I felt uncomfortable to talk about their situations and their parents who are in jail, but they are very free to talk with you about anything. It is very easy for them because their environment has made it very easy to talk about it because they are from a similar background they don’t hide these things. If they hide these things, it traumatizes them, they feel guilty and sorry and bad about themselves… it is not their fault that their parents are in jail, and they know it.
What are some challenges that these children face that others might not?
When they go out of the house and to new schools, I think it is a little difficult for them because it is a new environment with new people. [2]
How often do the children interact with their parents?
We take the children to the jails once every two to three months for an hour. Fridays and Saturdays are the days for them to call their parents - the parents ask about how the children are and how their studies are.
What comes to your mind when you think of prisons?
Oh my god. Pictures come in my mind!
When I take the children to prison, their moms already know they are coming, so they prepare delicious food and make their children sit on their laps and they feed them. That is the most beautiful thing. Prisons are beautiful when you look at them from that aspect - the reunion of a family is what prison is for me.
It’s really heart touching when you see how much they love their children - they’ve gone for months without seeing their children, and still only get to see them for an hour. Whenever I go to prison, I think of my mom.
What do you wish that people knew?
I wish people would think of children of prisoners as regular children - don’t say “awww” always. I wish that they would know that not all the time, the person who seems to be guilty is actually guilty; and these children are not guilty at all.